RoadTrips: NEW SEAT, NEW CHROME.

OK.

Call me a slave to fashion. A weak-kneed slut for marketing.

I have gone and caved in to peer pressure and kustomized my bike with a Chinese Chrome Official Harley-Davidson Accessory.

I've had to spend a little time at the dealer the past week or so, to fix the crank position sensor. I wasn't worried. I can take it. To me, a Harley dealer is just like a Ford dealer. Bike breaks, you need a part, you go there, you buy it, you come home, you put it on, bike's fixed.

But it's hard, man. They have walls full of chrome stuff, made by hard workin' folks. So what if they don't speak English? Are they not human beans too? They slave over stamping machines and chroming tanks, wrap up the parts with some kind of pride, pack em in big old containers, and ship em over here.

Maybe it was the music. They play the same music in the showroom that they play when you are on hold waiting to see if they can change a tire that very day, or if your people gotta call their people and set up an appointment. It was some catchy country song, Texas swing, filler between a sexy female voice assuring me that she wanted me, but if I could just put a little bit of chrome on my bike or strap on some black leather chaps or something, she wouldn't be able to control herself.

I've been around long enough to know she was lying through her teeth.

Anyway, I was two-stepping over to the chrome wall with the big TOURING sign and two things happened. First, the twin fiddles hit one of those long notes that grabs something inside of you.

Then I saw it.

Sleek. Shiny. Simple.

The 29153-07 Smooth Air Cleaner.

The box said it all: "Be smooth with this chrome-plated air cleaner cover." Dammit! I have to confess, I have always wanted to be smooth. I have never been considered smooth. Nobody ever said, "Man, you are one smooth cat!" to me. Never.

Well, next time you see a smooth cat you don't recognize, it's probably me. Hard to believe the transformation, isn't it? And it only cost me $39.95 plus tax. Yep. It's really me.

Got her to the shop, opened the box. Popped her out of the bubblewrap loving applied by foreign hands. Then it hit me. I probably should have had her installed by a certified Harley-Davidson mechanic.

But I was OK. There was a page of directions protected under the bubblewrap with the smooth air cleaner cover. I sat down and studied the directions.

1. Remove air cleaner cover screw (A) and air cleaner cover. Retain screw.

NOTE Before installing screw (A), apply Loctite 234 (blue) (Harley-Davidson part number 99642-97) to screw threads.

2. Install new smooth air cleaner cover (1) (with cutout facing down) using screw (A) retained in Step 1 over air filter (B). Tighten screw to 3-5 ft-lbs (4-7 Nm).

Sure, this could be rough for the old me, but a smooth cat could tear into this job with confidence.
I got the old cover off. Carefully made a check mark by Step 1. (hint for you rookies: check off the steps as they are completed so you dont get confused as to your progress and start assembling things before you have disassembled things)

I put some locktite on the screw (retained). Put the screw down carefully, balanced on the head, so as to not contaminate the blue locktite. I used the official HD # 99642-97 locktite that I had from a repair earlier, but I am not afraid to use non-HD Locktite. After all, it is MY bike, and I'm nothing if not a rebel. A smooth rebel.

I put an X by the NOTE. (hint for you you rookies: don't check off a NOTE, it can cause confusion if you think you have completed a step and take a break or go pee. A NOTE is something that must be done in conjunction with a STEP, not on its own. A WARNING is something completely different. Many repair and accessory installation instructions have WARNINGS. They mean that if you are drunk or stoned while installing or repairing, you will probably die the next time you ride the bike. The Smooth Air Cleaner Cover Instructions had ZERO warnings, which means that unless you are so drunk or stoned that you are unconscious, it's OK to go ahead and install the part.)

With frequent referrals to Step 2, I got the Smoothe Air Cleaner Cover (1) and retained screw (A), on the bike. I was so confident that I did not even torque the screw to 3-5 ft-lbs (4-7 Nm), I just tightened her down.

Hang on. I forgot to put a check mark by Step 2. Be back in a minute.

Now you know! If you see a smooth cat easing down the road, it's me. It's really not going to change me, having a kustomized Harley, we can still wave when passing, if I happen to see you.

Later, Gator!

The new cop seat and new Smooth Air Cleaner Cover: